Have you ever considered that your way of thinking could sabotage your happiness?
Of course, many of us can recognize unpleasant emotions, such as sadness, anxiety, and anger, but how our mind processes stress can be hard to pinpoint. When we are under pressure and throughout our lifetime, our brain can develop patterns of thinking and unhelpful ones can surface.
A cognitive bias is an “exaggerations in thinking that we all experience from time to time when we are emotionally aroused or depressed” (Kennerley, Kirk & Westbrook, 2017). Many of us can relate to intense reactions to our surroundings, but if the thought patterns are prolonged, problems can arise because it can become a deep-seated belief system.
Our automatic thoughts can become predominantly negative (our brain is always trying to protect us!) whether the situation warrants it or not.
Curious about which ones to look out for?
Common Negative Thought Patterns
Extreme Thinking
1. Dichotomous Thinking: Feeling like a situation is all good or all bad. This is also called black-or-white or all-or-nothing thinking.
Examples: “I can’t trust anyone.” “All relationships lead to suffering.”
2. Unrealistic Expectations: Having high standards for yourself and others.
Examples: “I must get an A+ in every class.” “They should have stayed sober.”
3. Catastrophizing: Expecting the worst-case scenario or quickly determining an awful conclusion to a stressor.
Examples: “If I get a divorce, I will have no money, I’ll never see my children again, and I won’t be happy for the rest of my life.” “If I don’t do well on this test, I may as well quit school because I will probably just fail and never get a job anyway.”
Selective Attention
4. Over Generalisation: Assuming one negative thing means everything is negative.
Examples: “He broke up with me; I’ll be forever alone.” “I failed my bio final; I need to drop out because I suck at being a student.”
5. Mental Filter: Letting one bad happening ruin an entire day that was otherwise good. Focusing on negative things and not giving time for the other pieces of the situation.
Examples: “The whole camping trip is ruined because I forgot my bathing suit.” “I waved at someone who was not waving to me. I am so awkward!”
6. Disqualifying the Positive: If something positive happens, you dismiss the compliment or minimize the good.
Examples: “They only complimented me because they want to manipulate me.” “It was only 94%. I should have gotten 100%.”
7. Magnification: High focus on what went wrong in a situation and dismiss how you did well.
Example: “She asked if I wanted to go out again, but I was super awkward.”
8. Minimisation: When you’ve contributed to an event positively but don’t give yourself credit.
Example: “Even though I scored the winning goal during the hockey game, it was probably just luck.”
Relying on Intuition
9. Mind-Reading: Assuming you know what others are thinking or feeling.
Examples: “Susan is mad at me because she didn’t wave at me in the park today.” “I can tell you don’t want to listen to me even though you are my counsellor.”
10. Fortune-Telling: Guessing how a future event or situation will play out. Ever heard of a self-fulfilling prophecy? (This can be helpful with positive thinking or trying to manifest a good outcome.)
Examples: “Guarantee, I won’t get the job.” “This Tinder date will for sure be a catfish, so I’m not going to bother to go.”
11. Emotional Reasoning: Believing how you are feeling is true.
Examples: “I feel anxious, so something bad is probably going to happen.” “I feel shy, so I can’t make friends.”
Self-Criticism
12. Taking Things Personally: Taking responsibility for something that went wrong or poorly based on our perception.
Examples: “My date got super drunk. It’s probably because I was boring, or they weren’t attracted to me.” “Only a few people came to my birthday party; I probably did something to upset those who didn’t come.”
13. Self-Blame: Feeling you are at fault for something bad without cause.
Examples: “I can’t keep up with my schoolwork, so I must be dumb.” “I feel weak today. I probably am lazy.”
14. Name-Calling: Internally criticizing yourself using demeaning statements or words.
Examples: “Such a loser.” “How could I be such a *insert swear here*?”
Conclusion
Do you recognize some of these in you? Remember, it isn’t a bad thing to have these thoughts at times. It is hard to diminish every negative thought that crosses our minds, especially during hard times. There is also nothing “wrong” with you if you are finding a lot of familiarities, but if these thoughts are interfering with your life, it won’t hurt to find ways of managing them. Were there some you were surprised that others have felt?
Awareness is the first step in changing unhealthy patterns. Although this blog post does not have recommendations of challenging these thoughts, I hope you realize that you are not alone in how you think. It can feel very lonely and defeating if you feel segregated from others, but please know, there is a name for your negative thoughts and there ARE ways to manage them.
Exercise Suggestion
1. Look through the examples and write down the thinking patterns that are negatively impacting your life.
2. Create a list in your phone or on a piece of paper and document any thoughts that pop up under the categories that feel familiar. Starting to "challenge" your thoughts is a way to become more present and give us a pause in our spiral.
3. If you are feeling you need extra help, contact mental health services in your area OR pick up a self-help book for Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT). Both forms can be very helpful depending on how much extra guidance you would like or can afford.
Author: Paige Mathison, RCC, MACP
Instagram: @anotherchapter.ca
TikTok: @anotherchapter.ca
Disclaimer:
All information shared is for educational purposes only. Although the author is a mental health professional, you deserve individualized care and should consult your wellness team before changing your routine or treatment.
